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before watching THIS VIDEO first!

How to make homemade vagina

Hello Lonesome Jerk!

You must be here 'cos you're sick of giving yourself hand job and looking for some way to make fake vagina? Don't worry, you are on the right place!

I'll teach you how to make the BEST REALISTIC HOMEMADE FAKE VAGINA SIMULATOR in 5 easy steps! You'll be screaming with pleasure in like 10 min and I bet you can not last more than 5 minutes! Here is the aspirin for your combat head , just read on...

For this experiment we are going to need following "vagina parts" and say - sexual accessories:

1. one empty plastic bottle (from juice or the world's most popular brand - I can't tell you the name or I'll get busted by Santa in Atlanta). Make sure the bottle is in good shape, reasonably firm and has bottle cap on.
2. one plastic bag - try 'n keep from garbage bags especially used ones. Blow and pump it first - no holes allowed.
3. wide sealing tape or even better 2 or 3 strong but elastic rubber tags
4. hot water (as hot as you want your homemade vagina to be hot!)
5. Some kind of lubricant (try something mild like baby oil and stay away from anything peppermint or alcohol based. Fake vagina is for fun, remember? )
6. Tera Patrick pics and clips for the best results!

WhoTF is Tera Patrick?

Building your new toy: Mrs. Vagina

Step 1: Take the bottle, cut off the bottom, unscrew the cap.
Step 2: Take plastic bag and pull the bag bottom through the bottle neck so that 2 to 3 inches of the bag are over the top.
Step 3: Spread out and wrap the bag's open part over the lower part of the bottle surface and fix it to the bottle with whatever you have from vagina parts No. 3.
In just seconds your homemade vagina is ready to ride, but here is the hot part:
Step 4: Remember the bag bottom? Hold it with one hand and sip the hot water into the bottle! If you did good job in step 3, the water will stay between the bottle and the bag inside giving your artificial vagina simulator softness and it will imitate the real vagina heat! And remember to screw bottle cap back OVER those 2-3 inches of bag bottom!!!
Step 5: I guess you know what to do with lubricant...

I tried literarily every recipe for fake vagina out there and this one is the best by far. It feels very realistic, but the only problem is it takes some time to make it. And you can use it only once (one night stand, wink...). Here is good homemade vagina video instruction (no tone so you don't have to turn off the music if on!)

Therefore at last, in my humble opinion, no home made vagina can compare to something I use these days. Actually it is modeled from real vagina from my favorite celebrity and it feels a bit better than homemade vagina. Just look at it:

Wanna see guy fucking it? Go HERE - great video inside!

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Anti Tera Patrick Fan Club

Famous porn star Tera Patrick has just got her first "anti fan club" formed by former fans well known as "Tera desperate". The working title of the club is "Anti Tera Patrick FUN Club" and the main cause of this odd and growing society seems to be getting in touch with this celebrity through provocation. It seems to be the secret what are their plans with her. Here is the message of Club founder, The Jerk:

It is about time for someone to do something and stop this Tera Patrick madness! Tera this, Tera that... blah, blah... And she's driving me nuts!
At this occasion I proclaim "Anti Tera Patrick Fun Club" officially opened for anyone with the following declaration of my personal resistance against you Tera Patrick:

I, The Jerk, the founding father of Anti Tera Society can not stand the phenomenon of Tera Patrick and I'm determined to fight you Tera Patrick both in my wet dreams and my dirty imagination. It's because of following reasons:

Tera I hate you because:

1. You are perfect and that is both insulting and frustrating
2. You used to be blond at the time
3. You are fluent in Hungarian
4. You are fluent in English
5. You got married without asking me first
6. You charge for your movies and pics and the best things in life are supposed to be FREE Tera!
7. You are drying me out
8. You announced retirement from the industry in 2002 and I cried.
9. You are Leo and we can never get along
10. You'll sue me for using your pics
11. You are reading this
12. You are not reading this
13. My boss found Tera Patrick signature model of Fleshlight in my drawer...
14. You are 3 years, 2 months and 18 days younger than me. That makes 1175 days being without you in this world!
15. You make love for charity. And where is your charity for me Tera?
16. You made me jerk you jerk.

WTF, come on folks! Tell her why you hate her! Just drop your load into the box bellow!

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Virtual Sex with Tera Patrick

Original article: Virtual Sex With Tera Patrick

Tera Patrick breast wonderbraWhooa!

Wait cowboy!

So you wanna have sex with Tera Patrick?

First, Tera is MY girl. But it's OK this time..

Second, if your dirty penis wants to have anything with Tera Patrick
you must be 18 and older!

A) I swear I'm 18+. I want to have sex with Tera Patrick
(you will leave this website)

B) Err, next year maybe. I'll find my way around...

Tera Patrick lingerieIsn't she Lovely...

P.S: Did you know that Tera Patrick's husband has exclusive right to perform in Tera Patric movies?

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Meet Girls: Tera Patrick

Tera Patrick Thai OriginMeet Tera Patrick

One has to be very brave or hell of a jerk to try and describe Tera Patrick in one word. OK,I'm jerk and I'll try: paradise. But possibly the best comment on Tera came from my friend the other day: "I feel urge to make Tera Patrick pregnant". I could just keep my soaking wet mouth shut. I know I can't make love to Tera, but I can have virtual sex with Tera Patrick whenever I want!
Tera's real name is Linda Ann Hopkins Shapiro. Unlike everything on her, her original name was kinda too long to remember so she's (just) Tera Patrick now, though I'd love to add her my last name (LOL). Still, it's too late for that - Tera is happily married to her husband Evan Seinfeld. And he doesn't share Tera With anyone. Pitty...

Tera Patrick bikini panties
If you look carefully into her face, you'll notice some touch of The Far East. Yes, Tera Patrick origin is bit complicated: her father is half Danish and half English and her mother is of pure Thai descent. But it's not only that her stunning beauty makes her top ten adult star: Tera Patrick is well educated woman in both biology and medicine. In fact I bet it's both her appearance and the spirit that resulted with this: she is the only woman in the world to ever concur the covers of Playboy and Penthouse simultaneously! Dude, Tera Patrick is so much more than adult actress.

Tera Patrick Video Interview

Whenever I watch Tera's interviews I feel something's cooking in my stomach, if you know what I mean. Us mortals will never get to have sex with Tera Patrick, but at least we can have virtual sex with Tera Patrick! Yes, she made sure to help us know just how it feels to be inside her!

Tera Patrick Pic Gallery

Tera Patrick feet

Tera Patrick Bra panties

Tera Patrick bath

Tera Patric Pic
Where Tera Patrick hangs out
Tera Patrick measurements
Tera Patrick Measurements (height, bust, waist, hips and weight)


Hey Tera, I don't have hairy back and I don't spell your name like "Tara Patrick". I know how much you hate that, doll...

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